Wednesday, April 03, 2013

A Modest Proposal for a Solution to the Sexual Abuse Crisis (Crises?)

It seems to me this is a good time to reproduce my modest proposal of 2010 for a final solution to sex abuse scandals:

A Modest Proposal
What a dimwit I have been! I apologize. A light has dawned in my foggy noggin. I now realize what the solution to the problem is. (You do know what the problem is, don't you, dear Reader?)
The solution to the problem is this:
All organizations that harbor any sexual predators must be done away with.
This of course includes, not just the Roman Catholic Church, but also Protestant churches, Jewish synagogues, high schools, middle schools, junior high schools (and, of course, elementary schools), universities, research institutes, newspapers, TV and radio stations, courts, police departments, large corporations, all large associations & organizations of any description whatever, any small association or organization in which there has been child abuse (as a prophylactic measure, the institution of the family should be abolished since it is in the family that child abuse happens most often), Congress, and so on.

Yes, I know: the destruction of such organizations & associations is a high price to pay. But at least we could all go to sleep at night knowing that our children are safe. (They would be sleeping safely in schools run by the government. They would be safe there.)
Would hanging or shooting the leaders of such organizations and associations be an even more effective remedy? Perhaps such capital remedial measures should be considered (along with, in the U.S., an amendment to the Constitution). Monetary penalties may not be enough. Prison may not be not enough. Even flogging may not be enough.
In any event, it is clear, isn't it, that if the Catholic Church, Protestant churches, schools, universities, newspapers, etc, were abolished, we would be rid of the pestilence of child sexual abuse, yes?
Well, OK. Perhaps I am getting carried away just a bit: I acknowledge that abolition or destruction of such organizations or institutions might be a bit extreme in some cases. I see a possible alternative:
Organizations should be required to make sure that their members regularly engage in gratifying sexual intercourse or other satisfying sexual activity with other freely-consenting adults.
For example, perhaps organizations should be required to levy fines against any of their members who choose to remain celibate. This way we would know that the people who come into contact with our children are sexually gratified and have no reason to seek further gratification by molesting our children.
Short of this sensible remedy (i.e., the imposition of fines against sexually inactive people for being sexually inactive), organizations & associations of every stripe should be liable in spades (i.e., many dollars) for every sexual misdeed -- known or not, foreseen or not -- of every one of its members. That's clearly necessary. And, of course, such monetary penalties fall far short of lynching or shooting -- even though it must be admitted that in some instances monetary penalties could destroy or severely damage institutions such as schools, churches, and hospitals.
We can & should invert Kant's dictum about the horror of punishing the innocent thus:
It is better for the world to perish than for any institution (particularly a religious one) that harbors & succors -- whether wittingly or unwittingly -- even a single sexual miscreant to escape severe punishment.
This reformulated maxim is a fitting tribute to our modern sense of justice and proportion; it reflects the enlightened temper of our times. See Editorial, The Pope and the Pedophilia Scandal New York Times (March 24, 2010).

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